Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
