I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
