He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
