the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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