I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
