This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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