were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
