just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
