So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
