i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
