So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
