found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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