I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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