I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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