first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
