then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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