Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there was a trapeze. enough said
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
