Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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