I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
