these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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