why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The Olympian is in my bed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize