Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
