just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
