Dual....:-)
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
