I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We're too hungover to prance.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
