I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
