I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
