I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
