I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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