i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
