I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize