Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize