U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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