is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Pooping to opera.
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