its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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