I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
