I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
