Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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