I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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