You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
