when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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