Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
