Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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