1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
