smell my finger.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
