I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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