Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
