get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
