I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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