I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
