What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
