3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The beer is more important than you right now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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