I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
