i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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