i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
