That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my poor anus
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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