i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
