afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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