i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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