My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
