i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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