Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then my night got REAL pukey
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
