don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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