Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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