i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
