Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
