No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
