Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
