ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
