Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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