He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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