I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
