I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
