be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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