so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My cat gives me a boner
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
