hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
