What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
