When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
