I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I stole a fireplace last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize