listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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