there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
