So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
