So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
