I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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