i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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