I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
