This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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