I skipped work to stalk him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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