i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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