how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
