The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
