Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
