he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
