So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
