So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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