I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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