Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
