I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
